Who pays for dinner?

When I was a student in Ho Chi Minh City, eating out with friends was simple. Usually the oldest person, or the one who had invited everyone, paid for the whole meal. Next time, someone else would pay. Nobody kept a careful record, and it generally worked well. Arguing about money at the table was seen as rude, and fighting to pay the bill was almost a game.

Things changed when I went to study in Melbourne. On my first night out with my classmates, the waiter brought the bill, and everyone took out their phones. One friend calculated the total, divided it by six and told each of us the amount to send her. I was confused. I had only ordered a small salad, while two of the others had had steaks and several drinks. Was I really supposed to pay the same as them?

Later, I learnt that there are different ways of doing this. Some groups split the bill equally because it is quick and nobody has to do sums. Others pay for exactly what they ordered, which is fairer but takes longer. Some restaurants will even split it for you, although a few may charge a small fee for this. My classmates tended to choose the equal way unless someone had eaten much less than the others.

Neither system is perfect. Paying in turns, as we did at home, can create tension if one person always seems to forget their turn. On the other hand, splitting every bill exactly can make friends feel like business partners. I once heard a friend make a comment about who had eaten the last spring roll, and the mood at the table changed immediately.

These days I try to follow the custom of the people I am with. If the prices are only slightly different, I don't mind sharing equally. Otherwise, I suggest paying for our own food. What matters most is not the system itself, but that everyone agrees on it before the bill arrives.